After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
