ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
