Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
