I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
