Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
