my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We are two peas in an std pod
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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