you turned your livingroom into a bong?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
