Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
