I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Please, let me fuck your mom
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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