i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
