well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize