All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
