I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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