im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
