i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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