I would go down on you faster than GM stock
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
