worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
