he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
