Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
barbara walters just said penis...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
