Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
