I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I could make wine with my vomit
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
