i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
