I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize