we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
