Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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