Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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