He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
