I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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