you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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