it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Couch. On fire.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
