I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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