i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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