17 year olds will be the death of me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
