The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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