How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
