Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
