Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
