I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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