did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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