it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
