she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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