Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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