"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
