I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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