ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
