watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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