Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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