I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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