What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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