If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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