im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
