i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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