JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
