That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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