But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
