I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
