Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Found the puke drawer
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
