I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
