On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
