new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just had sex bonerless
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
