I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
