This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
