That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
