You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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