from now on my penis is your penis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
