I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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