Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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