your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
