When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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