I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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