I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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