Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
