She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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