When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
