oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize