Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
