and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
