That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
two words: eviction party
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I need moral support for this bender
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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